1
00:00:01,072 --> 00:00:06,372

2
00:00:16,080 --> 00:00:17,844
I've got some amazing news, mate.

3
00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:19,763
- Oh, aye?
- Aye.

4
00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:22,730
- Right, go on, then.
- No. Guess.

5
00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:24,643
Guess?

6
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:26,290
I don't know.

7
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,442
- Carol's pregnant?
- Nah.

8
00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:32,047
- Just tell me.
- Go on, guess, don't spoil it.

9
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:35,602
- You won something?
- Won what?

10
00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:37,011
- Money.
- Nah.

11
00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:38,844
- A prize, then?
- Nah.

12
00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:41,605
- But you have won something?
- Nah. Nothing to do with winning.

13
00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:43,523
Just tell me.

14
00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:47,002
- Just guess.
- Give me a clue, at least.

15
00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:49,845
All right. It's something...

16
00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:51,126
good.

17
00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:53,771
That's a clue?

18
00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:56,605
It's amazing news.
It's something that's amazing news.

19
00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:59,604
That was the first thing you said
when you came in. How is that a clue?

20
00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:01,808
Just guess, will you? Jealous bastard.

21
00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:04,770
I'm jealous? How can I be jealous?

22
00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:07,810
Because you're jealous
of my amazin' news, so you won't guess.

23
00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:10,201
How can I be jealous of something
you will nae tell me aboot?

24
00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:12,169
Just guess.

25
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:13,890
- You guess!
- You guess!

26
00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:18,521
- You got a joab.
- Something good, I said.

27
00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:20,841
You found treasure.

28
00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:24,527
Treasure. Forget it. Forget it!

29
00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:27,604
- Don't you shout at me.
- The hell with you. I'm off.

30
00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:30,411
- You had a nice cake.
- Nah.

31
00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:32,130
- Somebody bought you a cat.
- Nah.

32
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:34,168
- Somebody bought you a horse.
- Nah.

33
00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:36,129
- You got a modelling contract.
- Nah.

34
00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:37,964
- Tell me!
- Guess!

35
00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:40,884
- Tell me your amazing news!
- Guess!

36
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:43,122
I don't care what it is.

37
00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:46,761
It'll be nothing anyway, cos nothin'
exciting ever happens to you.

38
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,730
You're a bore! I hate you!

39
00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:54,965
I got a tattoo.

40
00:01:56,760 --> 00:01:58,603
That was the amazing news.

41
00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:01,251
I got a tattoo of you riding a unicorn.

42
00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:26,208
When Wee Frank walked into the room,
we thought it was a joke.

43
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,647
He had entirely the wrong image.

44
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,687
All right? Ma name's Wee Frank.

45
00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:36,888
That's what the boys call me.

46
00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:40,442
- (BLEEP) just thought I'd...
- Could you not swear, please?

47
00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:45,401
- Sorry. Sorry, (BLEEP)...
- I just asked you not to swear.

48
00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:49,485
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
It's just a whatchamacallit.

49
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,767
- (BLEEP)...
- Sorry.

50
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:55,242
- Do you have Tourette's or something?
- No, no, it's a Scottish thing.

51
00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:58,244
It's like a comma tae us, swearing.

52
00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:01,290
I'm sorry, right,
I dinnae mean to (BLEEP)...

53
00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:04,921
But when Wee Frank started to sing,

54
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:09,005
we knew something very special
was happening.

55
00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:13,722
? I've been really tryin', baby

56
00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:19,807
? (BLEEP) tryin' to hold back
this feeling for so long

57
00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:25,762
? (BLEEP) now if you feel
like I feel, baby

58
00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:27,126
? (BLEEP) come on

59
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:29,646
? Ooh, come on

60
00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:33,167
? (BLEEP) let's get it on... ?

61
00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:36,050
He has a unique talent.

62
00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:38,885
He does have this vocal tic,

63
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:42,328
which I believe is just a natural
development of where he grew up.

64
00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:46,883
But with the proper training,
we were sure we could eradicate it

65
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:50,885
and make him the success
he deserves to be.

66
00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,048
Can you say this for me...

67
00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:58,523
the quick brown fox
jumped over the lazy dog.

68
00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:01,570
- The (BLEEP) quick...
- No. Again.

69
00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:05,281
The quick brown fox
jumped over the lazy dog.

70
00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:06,964
- (BLEEP)...
- No.

71
00:04:07,040 --> 00:04:11,841
Again. The quick brown fox
jumped over the lazy dog.

72
00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:14,810
The quick brown fox (BLEEP)...

73
00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,804
No. Again.

74
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:21,123
- (BLEEP) the quick...
- No. Again.

75
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,771
- (BLEEP)...
- No. The quick...

76
00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:26,525
- The quick...
- ...brown fox...

77
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,410
brown fox...
- ...jumped over...

78
00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:32,768
jumped over...
- ...the lazy dog.

79
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,683
- ...The (BLEEP) lazy...
- No!

80
00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:37,001
(BLEEP) no, (BLEEP) no!

81
00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:45,481
We knew we had to play
to Wee Frank's strengths.

82
00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:49,326
And I know the single has been
criticised in some quarters,

83
00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:51,607
but I think it's great.

84
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:07,610
(BLEEP) check the state o' this

85
00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:09,444
(BLEEP) know what I mean?

86
00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:13,161
(BLEEP) I'm like that, (BLEEP) mental

87
00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:15,447
(BLEEP)
Oh, what was it again?

88
00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:17,522
(BLEEP) hingmy

89
00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:19,648
(BLEEP) you know what I'm talking aboot.

90
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:23,122
? It's Friday night and I feel all right

91
00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:27,444
? (BLEEP) it's Friday night
and I feel (BLEEP) hingmy

92
00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:31,286
? It's Friday night
and I feel all right (BLEEP)

93
00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:35,001
? Friday night
and I feel (BLEEP) hingmy... ?

94
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:36,241
Get tae (BLEEP)!

95
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:47,360
Crutch hire! Get yer crutches!

96
00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:50,649
Don't go intae the broo wi'oot 'em.

97
00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:52,643
Couple of crutches, mate.

98
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,006
Cheers, man.

99
00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:57,405
Crutch hire!

100
00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:03,887
'Ere, mate, that's a tenner for that.

101
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,329
Crutch hire!

102
00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:15,764
Get yer crutches!

103
00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:27,722
- Did we have to sit in the front row?
- What?

104
00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:30,565
It's too close.
I mean, it's right there, in't it?

105
00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:33,685
Och, shush.

106
00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:02,401
What's this I see?

107
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:30,601
I'm gonnae go to the toilet, all right?

108
00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:40,769
Is that you back, darlin'?

109
00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:04,686
He's away!

110
00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:09,921
Oh.

111
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:13,368
I don't even like theatre,
but that was...that was powerful.

112
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:17,729
I mean, I was uncomfortable and that,
but, oh, that was powerful stuff.

113
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:19,564
I mean, I'm glad it's finished.

114
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:23,326
<i>Ladies and gentlemen,</i> <i>we will
now be having a short interval.</i>

115
00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:28,361
<i>Be sure to stretch your legs</i> - <i>the
second</i> <i>act is of an unprecedented length.</i>

116
00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:30,408
Where's that voice coming frae?

117
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:34,280
What's she talking aboot, second act?
It'll no' be about me, will it?

118
00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,761
It'll be about wan...wan of yous.

119
00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:38,444
Out the way, out the way!

120
00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:46,166
Och.

121
00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:04,805
Oh, God!

122
00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:08,964
What's this I see?

123
00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:22,849
<i>Oh, come on, mate.
There's a whole row of machines here.</i>

124
00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:25,048
<i>Why have you got to pick the one
right beside me?</i>

125
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:31,202
<i>Cannae look to my left, cannae look aboot
cannae have our eyes meetin' constantly</i>

126
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:35,001
<i>Just gonnae have to stare straight
ahead, act like I'm focused</i>

127
00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:37,811
<i>Go on one that faces the same
way as us next time, dickhead</i>

128
00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:42,886
<i>What's with this arse piece, acting like
he cannae see me when I'm right here?</i>

129
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,247
<i>Hallo, arse piece. Hallo-o-o!</i>

130
00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:46,924
<i>He's lookin' at me.</i>

131
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:49,526
<i>You cannae look at a guy you don't
know when you're that close.</i>

132
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:54,288
- <i>Arse piece.</i> <i>- He's fell
into ma rhythm now, as well.</i>

133
00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:59,241
<i>Look at me, arse piece.
I'm your worst nightmare.</i>

134
00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:02,085
<i>Ha-ha-ha-ha! Arse piece.</i>

135
00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:05,607
<i>I'm gonnae change speed so that
I'm goin' forward as he's goin' back</i>

136
00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:10,207
<i>Oh, aye, you can out-race me?
Let's go. Let's do it!</i>

137
00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:12,203
<i>Oh, he thinks I'm racin' him.</i>

138
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:14,886
<i>Right fine, you go faster, then, mate.
Race away</i>

139
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:18,646
<i>Oh, conserving energy, is it?
Hopin' I'm gonnae tire oot?</i>

140
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:22,088
<i>You are not more of a man than me,
arse piece.</i>

141
00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:25,687
<i>What's the score with this arse piece?
You fancy me or something, mate?</i>

142
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:28,161
<i>Will we touch tongues
as we pass next time?</i>

143
00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:30,004
<i>Check the way he's lookin' at me.</i>

144
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:32,367
<i>D'you fancy me or something,
arse piece?</i>

145
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:35,205
<i>I hope it's just you and me
when I go into that changin' room,</i>

146
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:38,250
<i>cos I'm gonnae smack ya one
in the mooth, arse piece.</i>

147
00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:41,210
<i>I hope it's just you and me
when I get to that changin' room,</i>

148
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:43,931
<i>cos I'm gonnae smack you one
in the mooth, arse piece.</i>

149
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,480
- <i>Arse piece.</i>
<i>- Arse piece.</i>

150
00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:50,201
<i>Arse piece. Arse piece.</i>

151
00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:55,002
<i>- Arse piece.</i>
<i>- Arse piece. Arse piece.</i>

152
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,365
Thank you, thank you.

153
00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:03,321
Ah, time for a slow dance now,
I think, ah...

154
00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:08,201
This is a song I wrote while I was
waiting for ma dinner in the microwave.

155
00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:09,725
Yeah.

156
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:24,006
? Waitin'

157
00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:27,527
? I'm waitin' for ma moment

158
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:31,161
? I'm waitin'

159
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:34,926
? I'm waitin' for ma... ?

160
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:38,322
Beep, beep, beep!

161
00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:43,650
That's ma dinner ready.

162
00:12:57,960 --> 00:12:59,689
Right, that's enough of that.

163
00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:12,566
Excuse me!

164
00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:14,404
Oh! Oh! Ah!

165
00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:17,006
- Excuse me!
- Oh! Oh! Ah!

166
00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:18,525
Excuse me!

167
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:19,761
Oh! Oh! Ah!

168
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,285
Excuse me!

169
00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:22,885
Oh! Oh! Ah!

170
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:24,291
Excuse me!

171
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:25,964
Oh! Oh! Ah!

172
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:28,247
Excuse me!

173
00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:30,129
Excuse me!

174
00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:31,167
Oh! Oh! Ah!

175
00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:34,244
That's the last time.
If you enjoy playing with them so much,

176
00:13:34,320 --> 00:13:37,688
maybe I'll send you doon there again,
to live with the arseholes.

177
00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:39,842
Excuse me.

178
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:41,251
Excuse me!

179
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:05,287
If you've got something to say, Walter,
just come right oot and say it.

180
00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:08,921
I want to know what you've got yourself
all washed up for, anyway.

181
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,650
I was filthy.

182
00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:14,441
Who have you got to be not be...
not be not filthy for?

183
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,568
It gets sticky on this van.

184
00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:18,529
Sometimes I don't like being sticky.

185
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:23,401
- You don't like being sticky for who?
- None of your business.

186
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:26,643
You'd never get yourself all cleaned up
for ma benefit, would you?

187
00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:29,610
That's right. You don't merit a wash.

188
00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:38,927
What if somethin' bad happened to me,
like I just died, anyway?

189
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,207
I bet you wish you'd have gotten
clean for me then.

190
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:44,602
Away you go and die, then.
The whole world'll be a cleaner place.

191
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:48,964
Can I have...?

192
00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:50,644
Sorry, Walter.

193
00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:52,563
I did nae mean that.

194
00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:55,689
- Walter...
- I'm never gonnae die, anyway.

195
00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:58,331
Who is it you're getting
all clean for? Who?

196
00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,846
- Who?
- I'm goin' on a date.

197
00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:09,246
- What can I get fer ya?
- Can I...?

198
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:13,006
But it's board game night.
It's our one night together, anyway.

199
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:15,845
Every night is
our one bloody night together, Walter.

200
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:19,561
Who is it you love
mair than your brother? Who is it?

201
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,371
It's a date. I don't love her.

202
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:27,401
Her? Agh!
You don't even like lassies, anyway.

203
00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:31,246
I dae like lassies, Walter, and you'll go
to the bad fire for saying that I don't.

204
00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:33,368
You talk like a lassie, anyway.

205
00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:36,410
You talk like a shite
wi' a deid bird's beak stuck in it!

206
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:44,162
- What can I get...for you?
- Can I have...?

207
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:46,971
I am not...a jobby wi' a beak. I'm not.

208
00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:49,247
I'm sorry, Walter, I did nae mean that.

209
00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:51,482
You just make me so mad sometimes.

210
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:53,085
Gimme that!

211
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:03,325
I'm gonnae take ma wee man

212
00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:05,607
and I'm gonnae rub it
on all your suit sleeves

213
00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:07,250
and I'm gonnae rub it your pocket.

214
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:09,846
Then you'll have nothing tae wear.
How does that sound, anyway?

215
00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:11,524
Any chance o' getting served?

216
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:15,286
Any chance o' you
shuttin' your smelly, ugly face, anyway?

217
00:16:18,600 --> 00:16:20,728
I took the lid off o' Mammy,

218
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:24,282
and she heard every
cheeky word you said.

219
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:28,324
I'm sorry, Mammy.

220
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:29,890
Paul was annoying me.

221
00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:37,407
She said I've tae skelp
your bare bum for you six times.

222
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:39,801
Oh, no!

223
00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:46,291
That's one to skelp yer bum, anyway.

224
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,082
That's two skelp yer bum, anyway.

225
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:56,208
Ah! No!

226
00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:59,205
I'm drivin' away, Walter,

227
00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:02,363
and I'm going oot to have a good time
wi' that lassie, withoot you!

228
00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:07,129
Oh, oh.

229
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:08,406
Oh!

230
00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:10,721
Don't you dare.

231
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:14,600
Naebody ever phones you, Paul.
It must be your date.

232
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:18,162
Hello? No, I can't come
and pick you up tonight, anyway,

233
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:23,485
no, cos I don't even like lassies anyway
and I particularly hate you!

234
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:34,930
Can...I...?

235
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:34,411
Come in!

236
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:42,129
What've you got for me, son?

237
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:45,124
I want to talk to you
about the Burnistoun Butcher.

238
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:49,410
Why, what's he been up tae?
Has he been importin' black market beef?

239
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:53,201
Naw, naw. The person
<i>you</i> named the Burnistoun Butcher.

240
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:54,247
Oh.

241
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:56,687
Is that the guy that won
the Pie of the Year award?

242
00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:58,250
Naw, that...

243
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:01,563
That's Richie Stroke,
Burnistoun butcher.

244
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:06,487
<i>The</i> Burnistoun Butcher is the guy that's
killed four people and never been caught.

245
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,562
The murderer!

246
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:10,085
Aye.

247
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:11,605
What aboot 'im?

248
00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:14,126
I think you should come up
wi' a different name for him.

249
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:15,565
Why?

250
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:20,441
I just think there's a lot of confusion
over what Burnistoun butcher sells meat

251
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:23,126
and what's the wan that kills people.

252
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,966
That's what I'd expect frae the
<i>Burnistoun Herald</i> The best.

253
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:31,841
I love it! Aye. Right, let me have
a think, then, let me have a think.

254
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:33,604
Mmm.

255
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:35,762
What does he look like, this fella?

256
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:41,403
Naebody knows.
But imagine he looks like me.

257
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:45,849
The Burnistoun Tramp.

258
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:47,445
Naw, not that...

259
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:50,410
That disnae relate to him
being a murderer.

260
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:53,051
The Burnistoun Angry Tramp.

261
00:20:53,120 --> 00:20:55,487
Naw, naw! Look...

262
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:59,690
Mebbe something to dae wi' his
demeanour, right? Imagine I'm him.

263
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:05,521
- The Burnistoun Queen?
- Naw, naw. Look, look...

264
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:10,723
- The Constipated Killer.
- Naw!

265
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:13,246
Mebbe something to dae wi' the murders.

266
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:16,085
All the murders happened on a Wednesday.

267
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:21,041
The Wednesday W...W...

268
00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:23,805
- Walloper.
- Walloper?

269
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:26,008
He wallops people. Wallop, you're deid.

270
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:28,208
He is not a walloper.

271
00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:31,363
Hold on, I'll get Julie in here.
She's a good ideas man.

272
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:34,649
Julie, could you step into the office,
please?

273
00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:42,167
Julie, we're trying to think o' a new
name for the Burnistoun Butcher.

274
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:43,969
Er, the Burnistoun Pie Man?

275
00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:45,804
The murderer.

276
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:48,724
- The murderer, Julie.
- Try this.

277
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:55,206
All his victims were found stuffed
into the bottom o' wheelie bins.

278
00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:58,768
The Burnistoun Bottomstuffer.

279
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:04,722
- I love it. Print it!
- Naw, naw, I am not a bottomstuffer.

280
00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:07,724
Just leave it. Just forget it.

281
00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:09,564
What you so bothered
aboot it for anyway?

282
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:15,521
Because I am the Burnistoun Butcher.

283
00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:19,930
Oh, right.

284
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:23,925
Well, just you leave it wi' us.
We'll sort oot the confusion.

285
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:26,241
Thank you.

286
00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:29,085
Don't want tae put off your customers,
know what I mean?

287
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:40,050
- All right, man? Grub's up.
- I'm starvin', man.

288
00:22:40,120 --> 00:22:42,088
Breast o' chicken curry, man,
that's yours.

289
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:45,209
- There's a rice, a ribs an' all, man.
- Yas!

290
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:48,648
- These noodles yours an' all?
- That's mine, aye.

291
00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:53,282
- Prawn toast, man. Yours.
- Yas!

292
00:22:53,360 --> 00:22:55,727
Spring rolls - yours.
Another bag o' them - yours, man.

293
00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:57,962
- Lovely grub.
- Portion o' chippos.

294
00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:00,281
- Cheers.
- Char siu chow mein.

295
00:23:00,360 --> 00:23:01,521
That's mine, aye.

296
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:04,729
And a banana fritter.
If I was you, mate, I'd eat that the noo.

297
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,450
There's nothin' worse
than a cold banana fritter.

298
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:07,726
Aye, true.

299
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:13,011
- Erm...I think that's it, mate.
- Aye, that's all my starters.

300
00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:15,526
- Main course noo.
- Right, chicken satay, man.

301
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:19,082
- That's mine, aye.
- Fried rice, three portions, man.

302
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:21,925
- Ta.
- Chicken in black bean sauce.

303
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:23,161
That's mine.

304
00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:24,571
Chicken in black bean sauce
with green peppers.

305
00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:25,801
Ta.

306
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:27,848
Chicken in black bean sauce
with red peppers, man.

307
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:29,046
Brilliant, cheers.

308
00:23:29,120 --> 00:23:31,407
Chicken in black bean sauce
wi' nae peppers.

309
00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:33,403
Smells brilliant, ta.

310
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:35,721
Chicken in black bean sauce wi' nae
black bean sauce and green peppers.

311
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:38,485
- Bring it on, man. Brilliant.
- Chilli salt and spicy chicken.

312
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:41,643
- Me, mate.
- Chilli salt and spicy beef.

313
00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:44,451
- Me, man.
- Chilli salt and spicy prawn, man.

314
00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:46,090
That's me an' all. Magic.

315
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:49,084
- Chilli salt and spicy chips.
- You need tae try these, mate.

316
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:52,289
- Chilli salt and spicy cheese?
- Yas!

317
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:53,725
Chilli salt and spicy chicken

318
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:56,041
with nae chillies, nae salt
and mild instead o' spicy?

319
00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:57,360
That's mine, aye.

320
00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:59,044
- And a pineapple fritter?
- That's mine.

321
00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:01,122
If I was you, mate,
I'd eat that the noo.

322
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:02,565
There's nothin' worse
than a cold pineapple fritter.

323
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:03,801
Tell me aboot it, man.

324
00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:05,086
Grilled chicken, Peking-style?

325
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:06,810
Brilliant, cheers.

326
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:09,486
- Toast chicken with gravy.
- Cheers, man.

327
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:12,131
- Beef.
- Beef what?

328
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,407
- Just beef.
- That's me, mate.

329
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:17,450
- Fried onions, boiled instead o' fried.
- Me, mate.

330
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:20,126
Hot and sour soup,
cold and sweet instead o' hot and sour?

331
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:21,247
That's mine.

332
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:24,881
Crispy shredded beef in sweet and
sticky sauce, soft instead o' crispy,

333
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:27,770
whole instead o' shredded, spicy instead
o' sweet and dry instead o' sticky?

334
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:29,444
Disnae sound right.

335
00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:33,525
- Oh, and prawn instead o' beef, man.
- That's mine an' all.

336
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,648
A bottle o' lemonade.

337
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:38,963
Lemonade? I asked for limeade.

338
00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:40,565
Och, that mob are a joke, man.

339
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:42,608
Phone them. Phone them the noo!

340
00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:55,728
As a director of a soap opera,
you have a responsibility,

341
00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:58,883
I feel, to reflect the reality
of people's lives.

342
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:02,965
So when a friend of mine said to me,
"If soap operas are so realistic,

343
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:05,407
"how come
no-one ever goes to the toilet?"

344
00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:09,485
I saw that as a direct challenge
to our entire industry.

345
00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:21,084
Do you want to get to know me?

346
00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:22,730
Dae ya?

347
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:24,962
Aye, Thomas.

348
00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:26,804
I love you.

349
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:28,882
Before you say that,

350
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:31,645
there's wan thing
you should know aboot me.

351
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:34,610
Somethin' I thought
I would take tae ma grave.

352
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:36,125
What is it?

353
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:41,529
Hold on, I need to go to the toilet.

354
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,803
Thomas, what were you gonnae tell me?

355
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:08,087
I'm trying to dae the toilet!

356
00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:11,050
Well, hurry up, I need as well.

357
00:26:11,120 --> 00:26:14,363
You'll just need to wait!

358
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:16,568
A guy cannae have a shite in peace.

359
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:27,564
Well, do your worst, Mr Mulgrew.

360
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:31,690
Oh, I'll dae better than ma worst.

361
00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:33,922
I'll dae ma second worst.

362
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:43,886
I need the toilet.

363
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:49,527
I can...

364
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:51,284
I can feel it, hen.

365
00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:55,524
It's comin'.

366
00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:59,002
This is ma last shite.

367
00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:01,845
Don't say that, Da.

368
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,730
Aye. Gimme ma bedpan up.

369
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:07,565
I'm ready to curl one oot
and be at peace.

370
00:27:07,640 --> 00:27:09,085
Oh!

371
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:13,926
Oh.

372
00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:28,121
Yous all better get in here.
Ma da's daein' his last shite.

373
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:30,965
- I'll need to go to the toilet first.
- I'll need to go an' all.

374
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:40,288
Ah, Da!

375
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:08,370
You cannae put that body
in yer green bin, mate.

376
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:10,522
Stuff like that's
gotta go in yer brown bin.

377
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:12,568
You know, wi' the grass
and the plants and that?

378
00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:15,450
If you want that emptied, you'll
need to get that body oot o' there.

379
00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:18,604
'Sake!

380
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:21,286
Too many bloody bins.

381
00:28:21,360 --> 00:28:24,330
Just daein' ma job, mate.
Just daein' ma job.

382
00:28:24,355 --> 00:28:29,655

383
00:28:29,705 --> 00:28:34,255
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